Ok, so by the heading of this I realise I can offend people, so I will start with; having stuff YOU like in your wedding ceremony makes it ‘not-shit’ in my books, and I don’t think any reading I have done or heard at a wedding is shit in particular, but below are some of the ones I like. Personally.
I like ceremonies that are unexpected, authentic and an equal balance of romantic and funny. I’m not very traditional, but I think you have gathered that by now.
Ok, some of my faves….
I basically love anything by Pablo Neruda, yep, he is a bit more traditional, but shit, the dude can write. Such as:
“I do not love you as if you were a salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love and solid fragrance, risen from the earth lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this; where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep”
BOOM! thats some intense love.
Sticking with some darker, more gothic tones, I’ve quoted Emily Bronte in a ceremony before;
“I love the ground under his feet, and the air over his head, and everything he touches, and every word he says; I love all his looks, and all his actions, and him entirely and altogether”
“If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be: and if all else remained and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger”
Miriam and Beau let me surprise them with a quote from the Joker to his Harley Quinn…
“I didn’t know a thing about her, I only knew that when she kissed me, I felt alive again, and my whole world became something different. It was heaven and hell, brought together in my head, my own secret world, and I would burn there”
Ok, now for something completely different…
I once had a request to search for romantic quotes from the Simpsons, my personal favourite is from homer, “Why do I have three kids and no monies, why can’t I have no kids and Three Monies!!!” But thats not wedding related, so this is good too…
“Now what is a wedding? Well, webster dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from ones garden”
“I will love you as long as my heart still beats and my brain still brains”
Or better yet
“I need you more than anyone else on this entire planet could possibly ever need you. I need you to take care of me, to put up with me, and most of all I need you to love me, cause I love you”
*insert love heart eyes emoticon* Oh Homer!!!
Looking for some Dr Seuss in your wedding ceremony, how about…
“We are all a little weird, and life a little weird, and when we find someone who’s weirdness is compatible with outs, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”
Tonights ceremony had me quoting Winnie the Pooh:
“how do you spell love” asked Piglet, “You don’t spell it, you feel it” replied Pooh.
“If ever there is a tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you imagine, and more loved than you will ever know. But the most important thing, is even if we are apart, I’ll always be with you”
I’ve used this Bob Marley gold in a few ceremonies too:
“He’s not perfect, you aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least one, cause you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking of you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t analyse, smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had, because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy thats perfect for you”
“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them thins that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more… You can be yourself, and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.”
I spend good many hours a week searching through all the love dribble that is on the internet, and still to this day am yet to find anything that trumps a good old bespoke vow written and spoken from the heart, even if it includes “I knew I loved you since our first date when I vomited”